Chasey Lain

Sometimes when you're young, the only place to go is inside.

Broken friendship

I’d like to tell you a story. About me and my best friend and her drift-away.

The first day on my new school. That means, new people, new sorroundings, and no one to talk to. I came in and take a seat next to a girl up front on the right side of the room. To be forthright, she was plomp, red-haired, got a lot of freckles and wore glasses. But i’m not fixed of her external, ‘cause she seems quiet but nice. The teacher told us to open our books. My book wasn’t there so she pushed her book in the middle of the desk, so i could read in hers. While one of my classmates made a mistake when he reads, i was cackeling and she was cackeling to. The one thing led to another and we’ve started to talk and work together. She told me her name was Jessica. She didn’t really talk to much of our classmates, but she has talked to me. Maybe the reason for that was that i was from the beginning nice to her without prejudices. Time went by and we’ve started to like each other. To get it right to the point, she became my best friend and i’ve became hers. After 1 year after that, we were drunk at my house and talked a lot about us and our lifes. She’ve told me very sad things about her life. Based of her physique she was mobbed by a lot of classmates in elementary school and that’s why she has changed a lot schools. The older everyone were, the more everyone stopped bully her. But she was still afraid and didn’t want to go out. She was long time depressed and had Borderline syndrom. I’ve talked so long to her, that one day she has decided to go out with me, just one evening. And everything was okay, she felt comfortable. After that evening, she said to me : ” Thank you for give me the braveness, to go out. You make me strong and you’re a real friend and i’d never do anything to let that drift away. You’re my best friend, my bestie and my bitch, haha ” and i’ve never forget these words. I took it to my heart. Years passed by and things changed. We were on a new school and she promised me to prevade that. But she didn’t. After 3 month she broke it up and stayed home. I’ve showed sympathy. But she doesn’t mind. I was fixed of school, and she was defeated by her fear of other people. She was suspicious based of her previous experience. I wasn’t mad, i’ve accept it. But someday she found new friends on the internet. She skyped with them everyday and forgot about me. From the last year ‘til today, i’ve purerly eaten all that sad shit in myself. Just now i’ve recognized that she isn’t the same anymore. She is a stranger to me now. After 5 years. I’ve told her today our friendship isn’t the same anymore and i don’t want declarations or excuses. For me, the friendship turned into a acquaintanceship. She is the best memory i’ve taken with me from school. She was my side of the heart. Every day, we were together, even if someone was sick, or we were to lazy to went to each others house, we’ve skyped 24h the day. The definition of inseparability. She was my first, and only best friend. Every girl should understand me, it’s hard to lose the best friend. And for those who didn’t ever lose them, be glad about that. It’s painful. And i promise you, you’ll never find anyone else to confide again like once your bff. I regret nothing, not even the little tear runs down my cheek right now. And maybe she reads that right now. Maybe you recognized what you’ve let drift away now. I hope your new friends are better then me and give you what you need. You’ll struggle your way through life. Maybe you remember where you’ve slept, who you could trust the hole time. You’re unappreciative, but i don’t care about that anymore. Important is, that maybe someday you’ll remember who i am, and what i do for you. Maybe she doesn’t read til here, ‘cause she is busy with her new friends.                     - But if you do, don’t you forget about me.

That’s what life taught me. Friends stay short, long, very long, but not forever.

thesunnydaze:

fishtailz:

siknastynik:

mommymywristsarebleeding:

wonderwheels:

h31r0fd00m:

dooooooooooooooooctor:

xthebookkeeperx:

sacred-love:

featherlight-obsession:

d-pressedlife:

probably not.

fuck no. i turned into a monster. what the fuck happened?

im a wreck

hell no

Probs

They’d be upset with the fact that I gave up our dreams. But.. I have more friends now then I did back then. I think they’d be happy to know that. 

I think they’d be proud, yet disappointed all in one. Proud that they had grown up and been able to accept myself for who I am, and to have at least a little hold on my OCD. Yet I think they’d be disappointed that I’m not where I wanted to be when I grew up.

fuck no.
this made me cry

probably not… :-/

i would be glad im not a loner

I think he would be mad that he wasn’t some huge buff guy like he thought his older brother was

I don’t think so..

thesunnydaze:

fishtailz:

siknastynik:

mommymywristsarebleeding:

wonderwheels:

h31r0fd00m:

dooooooooooooooooctor:

xthebookkeeperx:

sacred-love:

featherlight-obsession:

d-pressedlife:

probably not.

fuck no. i turned into a monster. what the fuck happened?

im a wreck

hell no

Probs

They’d be upset with the fact that I gave up our dreams. But.. I have more friends now then I did back then. I think they’d be happy to know that. 

I think they’d be proud, yet disappointed all in one. Proud that they had grown up and been able to accept myself for who I am, and to have at least a little hold on my OCD. Yet I think they’d be disappointed that I’m not where I wanted to be when I grew up.

fuck no.

this made me cry

probably not… :-/

i would be glad im not a loner

I think he would be mad that he wasn’t some huge buff guy like he thought his older brother was

I don’t think so..

(via bruve)

Let’s dream

One life, one chance.

I think about life. What sense has it? Maybe it’s up to us to figure it out.

It’s frightening, how many people waste their lifes with sitting at home all day doing nothing or stuff. If you realize that you have the power to be someone, do something or make footsteps in this life, then take this chance. You don’t even have to change the world or things, but you can change the mind of the people that you may impress with what you’re doin’. For me, there is not clear what i want to do, to impress people. Being an artist. In the best way you can. If you’re a good singer - SING! If you’re a good writer - WRITE. I you’re a good artist - DRAW. Art NEVER comes from happiness. It’s a way to express yourself based of what have you been through. Of course, if you got a 1 Milli Jackpot, you could sing “I’m rich tho, i get hoes, buy unnecessary clothes” based, of what your life is changing due to your jackpot. But real art, comes from pain, unfulfilled dreams, a broken heart, a worst life or bad experiences. If you make the best out of your experience and turn your tears into color, your words into a song, or your thoughts into a book, and processed everything in art, - you maybe pursue a way, like no one before, and be unforgotten for a few, or maybe for the whole world. figure it out. :-P i’m still doing it nowadays.. 

Nasty. #nikes

Nasty. #nikes

M o o d

Rain, diamonds, sunrise , dark days, high eyes, dreams, sky, beauty, happy sadness, lovely pain, clouds, grey streets, get-away …

"Sexappeal is nothing without that special something" ;-P

"Sexappeal is nothing without that special something" ;-P

The ‘Can Be’

ReReading, and i was like, “damn, i’m serious as f’ck”. Enjoy.

I can be a beast. I can be nice.

I can be serious and deep. I can say “fuck it” and just live for the moment.

I can be natural and(!) tight. I can be effed up in my chillsweater.

I can laugh all day. I can cry all night.

I can be lazy. I can be the fittest on gym.

I can be poetic. W b writing, i can be useless sometimes.

I can be the quiet workaholic girl next door. I can party all night.

I can look 832948278 and a second time at myself in the mirror. I can have days where i just f’ed up listenin’ to my own voice.

I can be creative. I sometimes couldn’t even draw a flower.

I can be a hero and change the world. I can just imagine to be one.

Fact is : Life got different sites. Bad days, good days. You can do or be everything, and sometimes you have to can do or be everything. You can’t decide. Destiny does. Life isn’t perfect and always good. We all know. But you know after shitty days comes better days and perhaps shitty days again , period. Fuck shitty days or moods. Enjoy your good and usefull days. If you got a good day with good things that may happen to you, celebrate it. You see : the shitty things come and go.

Sundays.

Everytime these sundays.

I love them. Mostly in autumn. When the sun goes down, you’re on the right place, maybe with the right songs on your headphones and the streets seems empty, it’s the best time to think about things in life. Maybe things you would change if you get a chance to. Or dream about a life, you’d rather live than your own. When you open your eyes and your mind, you can even see the beauty in the grey streets. Every day can be beautiful. Even the rainy days can. But some situations or bad moods in life can make you feel so cold inside, that you don’t recognize some beautiful things in the world. The wars, bad people, shitty things that may happened to some of us and in some countries unable politicans on the force (except obama. his destination is being a president) let us think, the world would be ruled by disgusting and reckless people. 

That’s a reason, i move on into my own world. I write down all my thoughts in life. Share things to the world or just show stuff, that i think it could be interesting to someone. I tell other people about my thoughts about anything. Or i escape the world that already drown in problems and write down poetic shit that makin’ myself wonderin, how that comes to my head. I think it’s ok. Everyone of us have things to tell, or am i wrong with that? ;-)

ENJOY MY BLOG.